I've been really busy and neglecting my blog, tumblr, formspring, but I have been tweeting loads so ...
ahem Anyway, it's time to blog about something I want and need to record for my future.
Cedar ELDDS has achieved a Silver Award for SYF 2011!
Now, I know this may seem like a really lousy award as compared to a Gold or a Gold with honours, but it is a significant improvement from a Certificate of Participation, otherwise known as copper.
To my dearest EL members,
On Illyria:
It was an experience I will never ever forget. Like the foreign journalist, I was taken through a fantastic, almost surreal journey-- of self discovery, and the learning about my other EL mates. I can't believe how fast time passed. It seems like just yesterday we were reading The Little Prince and cringing at it. These rehearsals, I realised I didn't treasure them enough. How we grew as a team, as a performance. It was amazing. We became more aware of each other, of the stage, of why we were there in the first place. We discovered our greatest fears and pillars of strength - each other.
Towards the end, as we came closer to the day of SYF, I realised how much all of you meant to me. I was seeing you every single day, not as school mates, or CCA mates, I was seeing all of you as Maria, or Marie-therese and Conrad.
As stressful as it was, I can say it was all worth it. The time I spent with all of you cannot compare with any Award. I know how SYF is a killer to many, but to me, it really was like a life-saver that pulled the CCA together. I could go on for days about how I felt about this SYF journey!
On Silver:
We did in within 6 months. From a COP to a silver. A freaking silver. I remember how we stood shocked, unsure of how to respond when the news came. It was a moment of confusion. Do we cry? Do we laugh? Do we jump up and scream? The surreality of it all hit us like a huge wave of water; you see it coming, but you can't do anything to escape from facts, you just stay rooted to the spot for what seems like eternity. It's silence, followed by the exchange of glances. You hear a soft sobbing and you see somebody's face buried in her hands and it sets of a chain reaction, each feeding off each other's negative energy, to experience the sadness and disappointment first. Every cast member sobs in silence, a mess of hair and tears and those else who are not crying regains their composure. It is up to them to make this fall hurt less.
What went through my mind at that moment:
I was thinking about it all. Everything. a silver was not the best thing, but it certainly was not the worse. I knew I would cry over any result, and I was prepared for the crying, I just was not prepared for it to be a delayed reaction. We had worked so hard, hard enough? I'm not sure of it, but it was indeed a torment for us, emotionally and mentally. We were willing to accept the physical sacrifices, muscle and back aches, even cheek bones and muscles were strained to the limit. We thought we had it, there in our hands, a Gold. We watched our words, we prevented complacency, we knew we could not expect too much, but there was also the known fact that we were getting better.
The bitter thought that dreams do not come true hit me. After spending countless 11:11 nights and mornings, every eyelash, every rehearsal, every waking second thinking about SYF, about how to improve my role, every conversation being about SYF, it just came down to this: we didn't achieve our dream.
With encouragement and anger from Meaghan, I was made to think of what we just had. A silver. To quote Miss Marvel, it was a "very very shiny silver". We didn't get a gold, but it was indeed a silver, we were nearly there, it was as good as a gold, very close to it, in fact. And it was not a COP, that definitely had to account for something, right? Yes, add that to the fact that we only planned for 6 months, and our recent history of COPs and Bronze(s), we were the best there was so far. Yes, that was good, that was worth being happy about.
Of course, then I thought about how far we had come, it was a bittersweet reminiscence again. Last year's Cedar Lit up, with a crown made from an Aussino paperbag, Mr Frith's bedspread, to this year's wooden tower, designers and make up artists. It was a long way indeed. What scared me the most was that I didn't take all these to a safe place in my memories, especially since the journey was going to be over soon. Over. That used to be a word to describe a surreal and unknown future. We did not talk about life after SYF and results, because it had seemed so far from then. Yet, now we know what life is after SYF: empty.
With all the love in the world,
Mary.
ELDDS SYF 2011 (5/Apr/2011)
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