One-fifth hope and four-fifths nostalgia

I'm sorry I wrote this while flossing;
I'm sorry you had to know that.
I'm sorry my sentences all start the same
and... I'm sorry it's a mess.
I'm sorry it's not what you're looking for.
I'm sorry it came out of my brain.

I'm sorry for having short hair.
I know I probably look like that girl I've been hanging out wi--
Yes, I must have copied her.
I'm sorry for having long hair too,
if you were wondering;
I really didn't think I would look like three quarters of the school.

I'm sorry for being an oil field
And for not having smooth skin.
I'm also sorry for being sensitive
when you call my growing up pimpleface.
I'm sorry for saying that it was one of my worse childhood experiences
because clearly, somebody by the age of 10 had gone through worse.
I'm sorry for thinking I mattered.
I'm sorry I still look in the mirror and ask myself
Will this look good on camera?

I'm sorry I have such eye rings and puffy eyes;
I was reading at 2am.
She died.
She died and I cried.

Well I'm sorry I cried.

I'm sorry for having guitar thighs and
I'm sorry I got offended when you strummed my insecurities.

I'm sorry I read Jodi Picoult
and loved her books until I heard it was not cool to.
I'm sorry I went through Classifieds
looking for yellow 911 Porsches and
Made secret 12 year-old rebuttals in
the margins of a columnist
critising Twilight.

I'm sorry I've never read Harry Potter
and yet I still call myself a writer.
In fact, I'm sorry I write
and still call myself a writer.
I'm sorry for not believing that
'If you only read what others are reading, 
you can only think what everybody else is thinking.'

Heaven forbid two people have the same thoughts.
Heaven forbid people become the same pieces of a mass-produced jigsaw puzzle.
Heaven forbid somebody write yet another poem about the things she's sorry for.

I'm sorry I can't sing along to your indie-step
Alternative pop punk rock with a side of electronicore
And a dash of disappointment.
I'm sorry I listen to satanic music,
even though it's probably only slightly devilish

I'm sorry I quote Lord of the Rings so much;
I just love it a lot.
I'm sorry I loved it too late though.
I'm sorry I don't live as long as elves.

I'm sorry I'm not on Twitter
or Facebook
or Instagram
or Bandwagon.
I didn't know it was a piece of a time capsule in me;
I didn't know it was an identity.
I'm sorry I can't trust 140 characters and a banner
and a poorly thought up username
and a Valencia filtered profile picture of your eyes.
Maybe you can establish trust on three poorly photographed
dishes but you will never know what I have on my plate.
I'm sorry I don't know you as well as I should.
I'm sorry it doesn't even look like I'm trying.
I'm sorry if the only way you think you can know me is
through 75 tweets a day for
6 followers.

I'm sorry I said "Babies come from swans!!"
when you asked
"GIRLS HOW DO YOU SECRETLY 
TAKE A PAD OUT OF YOUR BAG?"
Well, yes I was being irrelevant
But the bigger problem here is that
I meant to say Cranes.
Not swans.

I'm sorry for trying too hard:
-For giving too much
-For being an over-achiever
-For being too ambitious
-For being too organised

I'm sorry for standing out and
I'm sorry for conforming.
I'm sorry for oppressing your opinion because
You can clearly diss somebody I'd give lots for.
I'm sorry for giving people chances.
I'm sorry for not giving people chances.

I'm sorry for holding up rifles
and riding in a tank;
I didn't mean to be defensive.
I'm sorry I explained myself.
I'm sorry I looked away...
I didn't mean to be defensive.

I'm sorry I've been indecisive.
And paranoid.
Or just paranoid.
Maybe worried would be a better word.
I wouldn't want to you think I've been on your blog for three hours
trying to read between the lines,
between the spaces of "She is a tractor".
Wait that doesn't even make sense.

I'm sorry I'm jealous of you.
You didn't even do anything to me.
I'm sorry I'm such a bad person.
I'm sorry I don't like you because you make me feel like a bad person.
I'm sorry I feel like a bad person because I don't like you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I should be happy for you.

I'm sorry I show that I've done lots because
I forgot you haven't done anything to be proud of.

I'm sorry for crying so much and
for not crying at all
I'm sorry for falling in love
and getting out of it just as quickly.

I'm sorry I've owned this home for more than five years.
I'm sorry I don't stop.
I'm sorry I've tried this life for more than sixteen years.
I'm sorry I don't stop.