It's the greatest thing that's happened

In the final hours of 2011, I am sitting at my table, in my new house, tapping away at my new laptop, with he countdown party going on downstairs (my sister, the emcee's voice travelling up 13 stories) and the Noose going on and on in their fake accents and stereotyping.

The greatest thing that happened this year was that I was introduced to Panic! at the Disco.

I have Pearlyn to thank for introducing me to Panic!. The first thing I heard from Panic was The Ballad of Mona Lisa in the acoustic session done on Radio x1039 Phoenix. At first I didn't think much of the song (or the duo anyway). It was when I realised I couldn't get the song out of my head for 36 hours that I revisited the Youtube video. It wasn't until the third time I heard the song that I couldn't get Brendon's face out of my head.

Since then, Brendon's voice and Ryan's words have been my constant companion (I am typing this post through a screen of tears). My great regret was that I didn't get to know Panic! sooner. I felt sorry for calling myself a fan when I wasn't there from the start. I fell in love with their music before their looks or personality or fame, if that counts.

I'm listening to their Live in Chicago CD and the song being played now is She's a Handsome Woman. You know, I guess you don't have to know them from the start to be a fan (or a true fan, whatever that is). The amount of time you've known a band does not determine your love for them, I'm sure.

This year, thanks to Panic!, I survived CAP, learnt so many life lessons and they were there when nobody was. I got to meet the entire fandom and the awesome Zheru and got to bond with my other Panic! loving friends like Zeqi, Beatrice, Kapeela, Yufeng, Yasmin, Brenda (and everyone else). Not to mention that I have earned friends that can't tell me apart from the other 6 million people in this world: Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, Jon Walker, Ian Crawford, Dallon Weekes... and Brent (Still blame Brent for everything, but still Brent)

I'm so glad to say that I've been lucky, their music made me pull through to where I am right now. Perhaps there are other bands that may be better, but loljk, they are the best band ever. Their influence on me has been tremendous; I can't even begin to describe it. It's crazy how I've never cried over music before, but now I'm weeping and reduced to a tangled mess of hair and mucus and tears each time I listen to LiC. OR BASICALLY WHEN I'M BREATHING Excuse me while I refresh myself.

I relate to them in so many ways. Their stories are inspirational, especially Ryan's struggles with his alcoholic dad's troubles and how he went against all odds to be the great lyricist he was in Panic! and still is. Brendon drives me with his adorable personality and talent, despite being ADHD and bipolar. It's not like their lives give me so much hope, because their music gives me more. And each time I watch a video of theirs, it hits hard that I will never watch a concert of theirs (because I'm definitely not allowed to) and it will never be the same because of the spilt. And I cry because everything is Panic! everything is beautiful and nothing (OKAY FINE, everything) hurts.

So shoot your mouth off with how much my "crying" is dumb because I was never there during their split, how much my "love" might be because he's hot or because they are a hipster band. To hell with haters because I am a proud mother of

I feel embarrassed to say this, but I tend to fall out of love as quickly as I fall into it. The obsession tends to be intense but short-lived. Is Panic! an exception? OF COURSE OF COURSE OF COURSE OF COURSE (That's supposed to be The Piano Knows Something I Don't Know, by the way). I will be embarrassed through and through if I fall out of love with Panic! I will beat myself, don't worry.

It's the greatest thing that's yet to have happened, imagine knowing me. It's the greatest thing you'd every imagine, but you'll never know until you're there. - Panic at the Disco, Pas de Cheval


To end off: