Happy April Fools'

ex·pire   [ik-spahyuhr]

verb (used without object)

1. to come to an end; terminate, as a contract, guarantee, or offer.

2. to emit the last breath; die.

3. to breathe out.

4. to die out, as a fire.

Am I a fool to be living in my own delusions? I'd like to think I have one foot planted firmly to the Earth, grimy with the realities of Life. That is even with my head easing up above the clouds, shrouded by a dizzying sensation of euphoria. A lack of oxygen, maybe. I'm going to die.

pas·sive   [pas-iv]

adjective

1. not reacting visibly to something that might be expected to produce manifestations of an emotion or feeling.

2. not participating readily or actively; inactive

3. not involving visible reaction or active participation: to play a passive role.

4. inert or quiescent.

5. influenced, acted upon, or affected by some external force, cause, or agency; being the object of action rather than causing action (opposed to active).

Maybe, if I stay very still, I can fade into the background. I might be able to camouflage with the wooden deck of comforting thuds and therapeutic trickling. I could make myself the model of the absence of acknowledgement, so it will hurt much less when ignored on purpose. If I keep really still, would anybody miss my incessant chatter, movement and love?

hurl   [hurl]

verb (used with object)

1. to throw or fling with great force or vigor.

2. to throw or cast down.

3. to utter with vehemence: to hurl insults at the umpire.

What is that indeed? The closest query to "what is life?".

"Do you love me?"

"Do you still love me?"

"Did you steal love from me?"

"If you love her, would you let her go?"

"If you let her go, would you still love her?"

raw   [raw]

adjective

1. uncooked, as articles of food: a raw carrot.

2. not having undergone processes of preparing, dressing, finishing, refining, or manufacture: raw cotton.

3. unnaturally or painfully exposed, as flesh, by removal of the skin or natural integument.

4. painfully open, as a sore or wound.

5. crude in quality or character; not tempered or refined by art or taste

I woke that morning with a croak. In the haze of sleep my thoughts pushed forth and confronted me, in the warmth of my bed, where it was no longer safe. It was insanely hot, but my extremities were numbed. I had the words pulsing through my veins, lacing (up) my lungs and crawling up my trachea. I felt my larynx swell like a river bloats after the snow melts, except nothing gushed out. Nothing but the cool of the chain from eye to the ears. Seeing as much as what is not said.

chance   [chans, chahns]

noun

1. the absence of any cause of events that can be predicted, understood, or controlled: often personified or treated as a positive agency: Chance governs all.

2. luck or fortune: a game of chance.

3. a possibility or probability of anything happening: a fifty-percent chance of success.

4. an opportune or favorable time; opportunity

If I had a tear for each time my tongue knots up, I could drown in a sea of unspoken words. I could be anchored to the bed by the silence. If I had a tear for each time it happens, I could end up as shreds in a messy pile, and then stepped over.