Bilbo logic

SO
I took a break from twitter from August 2012 to April 2013. That was an eight month long hiatus that proved to be really good for me. Since then, I’ve had friends come up to me to ask if it did good and if they too, should give it a shot. Yes!!! Everybody take a break!!!

And if you have been paying attention, I’m on another break. It started from October 15 and I’m not sure when it’ll stop.

So what is it with my start-stopping? I know I produced a list of reasons here to justify my departure a little over a year ago, but let’s be real here, only a quarter of those things matter. Those were some trivial, angsty things to leave twitter over. After much thought and internal confusion, I realised that my reasons for taking breaks from twitter are much fewer than what I had talked about, yet further reaching than I had anticipated.

I suppose I won’t harp on why I left twitter last year, because I was just very annoyed in general. But I'm just begining to think that it's all of my own internal angst. Nobody else seems to have this problem.

I never actually properly blogged about how my eight month hiatus was… In a word, liberating. You feel as if you have the freedom to say as you please sometimes, on twitter. As much as you can get across in multiple 140 character tweets anyway… You just feel a compelling urge to spill what you have inside, an urge that coaxes thoughts and emotions out into the open with the ease of typing and sharing.

True freedom came when I voiced my opinions in real time with real people. It came when I had the chance to properly formulate thoughts on my blog or tumblr, which few people read. Like I mentioned in 31, your personal voice, faces a kind of social schizophrenia. On one hand, your voice gets drowned out by hundreds of others, and at the same time, people are watching your every tweet. You can be yourself but you’re getting influenced by what people say or do, consciously or not. People who find freedom, fame, speak exceptionally loud.

In that break, I found silence. I found listeners that bothered to find out about me or what I had to say in ways other than through a congested information and opinions highway. It wasn’t easy at first. I was very tempted to be heard. I wanted to return to twitter so I could be heard and hear others.

The novelty of the retreat, the idea of being uniquely anti-social in a social world, held me back from wanting to rejoin the masses for the first few days. Each time I wanted to go back, I kept telling myself to wait a few days, to prolong the pretentious idea of social exile in the pursuit for more quality interaction.

After those days that I managed to stall my return, I realised that even though I didn’t want to go through with the hiatus at the start, even though it was just a silly list of reasons that spurred me into taking a break, I was beginning to get used to the idea of being away from all the buzz. I was generally happier because ignorance is bliss. I didn’t desire recognition as much either.

What then, with all the excess energy?? I directed it to blogger and tumblr. I exhausted myself on tumblr by finding new blogs to follow and getting inspired!! I'm gonna digress a little bit by saying that I really love my favourite blogs on there.

Why did I return to twitter in April this year? For the first two months that I was in VJ, I was posed the question: WHY ARE YOU NOT ON TWITTER? Everyone in class has a twitter account and I was basically an abnormally. I even had a conversation like this:

"So what do you use?"

"Oh, I blog. On Blogger and Tumblr."

"Why you so old-fashioned??"

Omg really?!!!1! I didn’t think so much about not being on twitter, in fact, I was quite secure in that peace and quiet that I had gained over the eight months.

Alas, I realised that nobody would take me seriously unless I had a social media presence, even as my blog turned six and my tumblr was growing older (it just turned three btw. I spent three years on that dumb blog wtf shuyu get a life). I eased myself back in by having a private twitter account to yak to close friends before I created another open account. 

You come to realise a couple of things about twitter when you are as fickle-minded as I am. First of all, it's a great way to get to know of people. If you are bold enough to take the interaction into the real world, you get to know them. It's a great way to know more about their likes and dislikes (usually more like obsession and hates).

But Twitter is an even better tool to use after you interact with them in real life, because you can start making observations about how people treat others online and making connections about their behaviours. 

I think what made me take this break was the fact that I was getting addicted to the endless refreshing even though there would be nothing new. I was getting needlessly critical about how people were (and being a bitch in general but let's be real here when am I not). Before I took a break, I was quite harsh with what I liked and I didn't because I wanted my timeline to be spick and span (deluded, I know). I unfollowed a bunch of people that made me mad or uncomfortable - and with good reason, because of all the intrusive ask.fm floods. Worse still, there were people I couldn't care less for and I still felt obliged to follow. In short, I think I was just getting too emotionally affected by too many people that I cared too little for. I think I really do get too invested in twitter.

A classic case of Bilbo and the gross: "I know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

Bilbo speaks much truth: "I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday."

You know what? 

Maybe I can take a break for the sake of mystery, go back to a time when I wouldn't feel obliged to share everything about me or to know about everyone else. Maybe I can take a break to experience life for introspection and inspiration, not just for tweeting and hoping I get retweets. 

Or maybe I don't need any noble reason to get away from all of that hustling and bustling. Maybe there isn't a sole reason for a break. 

I can take it as I deem fit and I can return anytime I feel ready. But do regular breaks help? Yes, as one takes vacations away from town. The peace is subtle, but endearing.

Maybe I'm ready to go back soon.